HUMOR & INDISPENSABLE HABITS

DOC BLAKELY, CSP,CPAE

The Wharton School of Finance in Pennsylvania studied human relations techniques for over twenty years and concluded that there were twelve essential elements in dealing with people that resulted in successful business and social relationships.  Those principles are:

1. Do not criticize, condemn, or complain.  We all know someone who is admired greatly for this trait.  It is more than just a positive mental attitude; it is the elimination of negative words and deeds.  Famous names that come to mind that represent this trait are Abraham Lincoln and Mother Theresa.

2. Give without thought of receiving.  A Chinese proverb states, "A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives you roses."  A strange thing happens when you give without expectations.  If the attitude of your mind and heart is truly in that direction, you will receive more than you gave away.  This principle does not just apply to money.  It involves time, effort, caring, concern, etc.  An ancient proverb from the bible says, "It is more blessed to give than to receive."  When you truly give without expectations and you receive more than you gave away ... perhaps this is the meaning of the "blessing."

3. Take no thought of self.  History is full of examples of people who laid down their lives for their friends, relatives, or comrades.  On a lower scale, it is the quality that inspires a gentleman to offer his seat to a lady, a lady to follow the rules of etiquette, and a family to do without in order to educate their children. 

4. Tell benefits, then ask for action.  A great example of this principle is the "Special Friends" program.  "At Risk" fifth graders are called to an assembly.  It is explained that if they will a) make adequate to high grades, b) stay off drugs, c) stay out of trouble, d) keep their attendance at the highest possible level, and e) graduate from high school, they will be assured of a scholarship to college.  The benefits of the program are explained and then they are asked to commit to the program. 

5. Smile and laugh often.  Research in numerous medical colleges has confirmed what humorists have suspected for some time ... that laughter does indeed promote good thinking and better health.  A hearty, joyous laugh can produce not only aerobics, but scientists have identified over forty endorphins that are elevated by this action.  Endorphins are natural hormones that make us feel good.  Although they are related to the morphine compound, there is no risk of an overdose, and it is a natural "high" that cannot be excelled. 

6. Use correct names often.  The most pleasant sound to any person's ear is the sound of his/her name, provided it is the name he/she wishes to be called.  In some cases, a nickname is hated, in others it is preferred.  An old maxim states, "You can sell Bill Bradley what Bill Bradley buys if you can see Bill Bradley through Bill Bradley's eyes."  Always check with the person to make sure that Bill is preferred.  If so, you can't do business or make friends with William, Willie, or Billy.

7. Listen, use the inverted pyramid question guide.  The inverted pyramid is a guide followed by most journalists.  It poses the questions who, what, when, where, why, and how.  This is a great principle for all of us to follow whether we are good conversationalists or not.  Most people can be enticed into talking about their favorite subject ... themselves.  If you simply ask the questions and follow the order of the inverted pyramid, making sure that you listen intently, you will be perceived of as a brilliant conversationalist.

8. Talk, look, and act enthusiastic.  When we were children, we constantly showed unbridled enthusiasm to the point that we were often called down for this childlike manner.  As we grow older, this message begins to take hold and we loose the childlike enthusiasm for life.  This principle simply states that, within moderation, we need to revert back to some of those positive traits that made our childhood such a positive experience.

9. No gossip or worry.  This is a negative trait that is totally unproductive.  Research has also shown that 90% or more of the things that we worry about never come to pass so that we expend a lot of energy in a direction that has absolutely no benefit.  Gossip, on the other hand, is nothing more than spreading worries that for the most part are unfounded and speculative.  People who do not spread rumors but only speak the truth, and then only with thoughtful consideration for the consequences, are much admired. 

10. Use positive greetings, no questions.  A positive greeting is considered to be a great asset in dealing with people.  The most positive greeting you can use is simply stating the name of the person and greeting them with a smile and/or handshake.  A common negative greeting you may use is "How are you?"  The principle here is to use no negative greetings and ask no questions.  A simple "Nice day, isn't it?" can open the conversation to negative input from the listener. 

11.  Give unexpected answers.  When people ask you the negative question, "How are you?", give them an unexpected answer, such as "Fantastic," "Superb," "Wonderful," "A+," etc.  This establishes you as a positive force in your circle of friends and acquaintances as well as reinforcing the thought in your own mind. 

12. Look for the best in people, ask for good news.  This is an especially effective technique to use in committee meetings.  Always start out by asking for good news before the "challenges" are tackled.  Look for the best in people with whom you deal, expect the best from them, ask for good things to come out of your relationship with them, and a high percentage of good works will be the end result. 

These principles must be acted upon in order for them to become a part of your life.  Scientists tell us that it takes twenty-one days to break an old habit or develop a new one.  Concentrate on one principle for a period of twenty-one days, then it will become a part of your habitual life pattern and you will not have to concentrate on it again.  From time to time, a simple review may be all that is necessary to reinforce your thoughts.

P.S.  If you are a fan of western novels, you may order books by the author's son, Mike Blakely. Mike's 15 published novels are available in bookstores, Amazon.com, and Wal-Mart nationwide.  Information on his latest novels is available on www.mikeblakely.com . A respected musician as well, he recently completed a novel with Willie Nelson, and frequently performs music concert tours of Europe.

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He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
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